Title: In bed with the enemy
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
In bed with the enemy
Catherine and I had never been close friends although I had tried to become closer to her on many occasions. It had never really worked. Despite all of my efforts I had only pushed her further away. Especially in the past couple of months when I was forced to close Eddie’s case. The bitterness and pain in Catherine’s eyes and voice made it perfectly clear to me that we where enemy’s and that we most likely would never become friends.
I smiled at the thought, back then I could have never guessed that she would be here with me when I woke up. In my bed, I turned to my site and leaned on my arm. I watched her sleep intensely. Until she woke up and opened her beautiful blue eyes. The enemy in my bed or should I say the love of my life?
Title: Strange bedfellows
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Strange bedfellows
I woke up with a pounding head and the worst hangover I had ever experienced. I tried to open my eyes, but apparently I had forgotten to close the curtains. But with this hangover that wasn’t strange, I had probably forgotten more then I would ever know. It took me a couple of minutes before I was able to open my eyes. But the room I was in wasn’t mine, as where the sheets that covered my naked body. I looked besides me, but all I could see where the strawberry-blond hair that could only belong to one person; Catherine.
Title: Dreams come true
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Dreams come true
I kiss her soft lips, as I gently cup her face with my hands. Her hands slowly move towards my hips, and her soft touch is driving me crazy. My heartbeat raises as Catherine opens the buttons of my blouse. Her hands slide under my blouse and make contact with my bare skin. I moan in her neck as she reaches the delicate make of my bra. She moves in closer to me and reaches her hands behind my back, to unclasp the closing of my bra. Just as she is about to touch my breasts I wake up, my body covered in sweat, my heart raised and my face flushed. Something woke me up and I only realise it when I feel it again. The soft touches of someone kissing it’s way up to my mouth. I open my eyes and stare at those beautiful blue eyes of that beautiful girl I have been dreaming off.
Title: Swept away
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Swept away
‘Swept away’ those where the only two words that could describe my state of mind at this particular moment. I had been praying and dreaming about this for three almost four years. Ever since I arrived in Vegas and lay eyes on this beautiful woman. She had been the one that was occupying my mind and dreams. Until it became almost unbearable to be in her presence. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my job when she was around, but on the other hand there was nothing that I wanted to do more.
It became harder and harder for me to concentrate at the task at hand instead of her hands. It was so obvious that she had been a dancer, every single movement that she made was filled with grace. Even a simple thing like retrieving evidence on a scene and bagging it.
Her movements where hypnotizing to me, once I looked at them it was almost impossible to advert my gaze. But her movements wasn’t the only thing that caught me, she did too. And by the look in her eyes I could tell that it wasn’t the first time that she noticed.
She quickly closed the space between us until be where only inches apart. I stepped backward until I felt the cold metal of my locker against my back. She placed her hands against the locker on both sides of my body and leaned in closer and kissed me gently.
The rush of the kiss, the fear of getting caught and dreaming about this for three years hadn’t done any good. I felt totally swept away just by one little kiss which quickly deepened until she was biting lip and running her tongue against it to gain entrance. I opened my mouth and the battle for power began.
Title: The whole truth
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
The whole truth
“Spin the bottle, Nicky boy!” Catherine said with a smirk while she drank another shot of tequila. At this point we where all pretty much wasted at this point in time. And she doubted if anyone would remember anything tomorrow at work.
“Okay…” Just give me a minute; he said with an unsteady voice, he finally spun the bottle. It ended spinning on Sara who was sitting on the floor leaning her back against the couch in Warrick’s apartment, she giggled as Nick leaned in and gave her a quick peck on her mouth. He might be drunk but he still thought that Sara wouldn’t be very please when he really kissed her. Greg gave Nick his thumbs up, he was placed behind Sara on the couch.
“Okay, my turn!” Sara squealed as she eyed the of people that where surrounding her. There was only one person in the room that she would like to kiss. She spun the bottle and hoped for the best. The bottle came to a halt and pointed towards Catherine, the boys applauded and commented on Sara’s terrific spin.
The kiss wasn’t the scariest part, the reaction of my body and the reaction of Catherine that was what scared me. Would they know what I felt like kissing her, would they be able to see?
I moved towards Catherine to give her a fast kiss, but she grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer as our kiss deepened. To me it felt like minutes before we broke apart. Catherine sat back. “You’re a damn good kisser.” She admitted while she touched her lips with her fingers and stared into the room absently.
That night I finally reached work after a drive that seemed to take forever. My head was still pounding while my body was numb from the painkillers. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch waiting for the others to arrive. Catherine came in a couple of minutes behind me and sat down next tome with her own stack of caffeine.
“Sara?”
“Hmm?”
“Never mind.”
“What?”
“Please don’t laugh and tell me the truth, the hole truth?” she sighed. “Did you feel the same?”
“When we did this, you mean?” I asked her while I leaned in closer and kissed her again.
Title: A shot in the dark 1/2
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
A shot in the dark 1/2
Grissom had handed us a DOB in an alley at the beginning of shift. Catherine and I where collecting the evidence. When suddenly one single shot sounded through the night. Pain struck me as I fell to my knees. Within seconds I was on the ground, and Catherine was kneeled down besides me. Catherine’s face was hovering above me while she applied pressure on my wound. I winced in pain, and closed my eyes.
“Sara! Sara! Stay with me!” Catherine called out to me while she fumbled with her phone. All I wanted was close my eyes as my body was consumed by tremendous pain.
“Sara stay with me don’t you dare give up.” Catherine was nearly in tears when she was trying to get my attention. She called for an ambulance, still putting pressure on my wound, I could see her hands covered in blood, my blood. I closed my eyes, I was cold, tired and in pain.
“Sara! Stay with me, I can hear the ambulance. Don’t give up baby, don’t give up.” Her voice sounded frantic when I drifted off into blackness.
Title: Pushing Boundaries 2/2
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Pushing Boundaries 2/2
I had been sitting here for almost a day, the first 24 hours where critical they told me. She had been shot, and I realised how close I came to losing her. I knew that I never told her what she meant to me. But I knew now that I had to, even if it was only to give me a little piece of mind.
The way I see it me telling her could drift us apart or make us better friends. But at least we would knew where we stand.
I stared at her for a while, as she slowly fluttered her eyes open.
“Sara?” I whispered softly.
“Cath!” She had never called me that before, my heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice calling my nickname.
“Are you okay?” She asked in a whisper as she brought her hand up to my face and traced the line of my jaw. Tears welled up in my eyes.
I was crying, laughing, happy and sad. My mind and body one big turmoil of feelings trying to get control of my body. “You’re the one in the hospital bed, and your asking me if I’m okay? I should be asking you that!”
“I was afraid that you would get shot too, that I would loose you …” She whispered back and laughed. But winched at the pain, that the movement of her body cause. “Sit down.” She said as she patted on the bed besides her.
Title: Darkness was my companion
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Darkness was my companion
Darkness had been my companion for years. Once I had been lured to the dark to hide my secrets, my problems, my life. Living in the dark, hiding in the shadows when others sleep and sleep when the world lives. Darkness surrounding my every move.
But now I no longer needed it, my world was now covered with the radiant colours of love. Love for the most incredible woman I ever met. The one that was here all along, right next to me for the past four years. The one that was most unlikely to be interested in me now was.
Title: Violating personal space
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Violating personal space
“What would she be like? Would she like me, would she hate me … Would she accept me as her mothers girlfriend or would she hate me because I came into her life without asking.”
Of course I had met her before, but that where only a few brief visits at the labs, or with Eddie’s case. Would she ignore me like Catherine used to do, Lindsey resembles her mother in so many ways that I was sure that she would be able to ignore me and act as if I wasn’t there.
The closer I approached Catherine’s house, more and more waves of nervousness overwhelmed me. I wondered if Catherine even knew what she was doing to me.
I got out of the car and dragged myself towards Catherine’s front door. The door swung open before I had time to reach it.
“So you’re my mothers new girlfriend, that’s awesome!” Lindsey’s childlike voice exclaimed while she grabbed my hand and let me inside the house. Catherine placed a bowl with salad on the table before she walked over to me.
She greeted me with a kiss. “That wasn’t so bad was it?”
“No it wasn’t but then again, it was only the beginning.”
Title: Centre of my universe
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Centre of my universe
Lindsey, she had been the centre of my universe ever since I found out that I was pregnant I had put her first. My little girl, she’s growing up so fast. Ten years had past since I first held her in my arms and I knew that I would do everything to keep her save and loved.
When Eddie and I divorced I was afraid that she would be mad because her dad and I couldn’t work things out. When Eddie died I thought that I would loose her too, I was devastated. Deep in my heart I had always believed that things could be better if he let go of his drug and alcohol abuse. I never thought that there would be anyone else, someone that came in as a close second after Lindsey.
I watched Lindsey, struggling with her homework. I diverted my look from her to the person next to her, Sara, she was explaining Lindsey’s math homework to her. Sara felt my eyes resting on her and she watched me for a second, she send me a smile before she concentrated on Lindsey’s questions again. Lindsey looked up and smiled happily at me. What more could I want then my two girls …
Title: No obligations
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
No obligations
I woke up on an early Sunday morning, the sun shone on my face as I slowly turned over. Watching the person next to me, her long dark haired sprayed across the pillow. I smiled as I continued watching her. Sunbeams shimmered over her pale skin. I could watch her like this all day. But I knew that any moment now a ten-year-old raging tornado could come in and jump on the bed. I decided to watch the beauty next to me for a while and see what would happen. It was one of those days with no obligations.
Sara was wearing a tank top, which exposed her belly. I started drawing circles around her navel. Sara stirred in her sleep and slowly woke up. Her eyes fluttered open and closed immediately when the sunlight hit her eyes. She tried to open her eyes again more careful this time.
“Hey babe.” She send me a gap toothed smile, which I loved so much about her. I kissed her softly until the door opened and my little tornado stormed in. She jumped on the bed between us.
“Wake up, wake up it’s morning.” Lindsey exclaimed as she fell on the bed between us. Sara and I watched each other and we both knew what the other one was thinking. We bend over Lindsey and tickled her until she was screaming for mercy. We let go off her and let her catch her breath. She is still giggling, which makes Sara and me laugh as well. Just the happiness that comes from the sounds of Lindsey’s laughter is enough to make me happy. Sara leaned in over Lindsey and kissed me, until Lindsey pushed us aside and begged for waffles and honey.
Minutes later I’m standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast, as I hear Sara walking down the stairs. The door opens and it reveals Sara who’s carrying Lindsey on her back. I laugh as the stumble into the kitchen and Sara sits Lindsey down on the counter.
This is how life is supposed to be. Just little moments like these showing the beauty of life.
Title: Light in the dark
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Light in the dark
She slowly released her breath, following the smoke curls lazily with her eyes. Up to the dark sky only lit by the faint light of the moon. She inhaled another breath filled with smoke, the end of her cigarette lit up in the dark. She leaned against the threshold, slowly sipping from her glass. As she gazed up at the stars, aware of the other person slowly approaching her from behind. She felt the hands of her lover around her waist.
“Hey babe.” A soft whisper sounded in her ear, as she felt the warm breath upon her cool skin. She leaned back until their body’s made full contact, taking in the scent of her lover. An indescribable scent that only she wore. Throwing away her cigarette she turned around and faced her lover, who slowly took the glass from her hand and drank the last sip of liquor before she placed it on the table.
“You shouldn’t be doing that there are better vices to give into …” Her voices fainting away in a demanding kiss.
Title: The child
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
The child
When I became involved with Catherine I knew that I would also have to choose for her child. Because Catherine would put her own happiness aside just to make her little girl happy. I knew that ‘that’ particular problem had occurred in previous relationships.
I also knew that in this relationship things would be so much different then in other relationships. First of all I would never be number one to Catherine, but in this case that was no problem at all. Secondly we are colleagues and that complicates things and we are woman. But that part is no problem to me.
And last but not least there was my fear for children, well not really a fear. More like an uncomfortable feeling. I didn’t know how to react around children. But that isn’t so weird when you know that I never really came in contact with small children.
Summing up the pro’s and cons I came to the conclusion that it was worth giving a try. And I know for certain that I’m glad that I did it.
I look down at the angel like figure that rested her head on my lap and snuggled up against me when we started watching this movie. I absently stroke her golden hair. I know that when I look to my right that I will see Catherine’s smiling face with a twinkle in her eyes.
Title: The naked now
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
The naked now
There was this fear deep down inside me, that always kept me aware of my surroundings, never fading always in control. I knew that I loves someone, but I was really aware that I could never tell her that. I was afraid that I would disgust that particular person and that she would never wanted to talk to me again. And if I had the choice I would rather dream about her then tell her and loose her entirely.
I watched Catherine’s graceful movements as she explains the case details to us. She moves her head side to side in an answer to someone’s question. Her golden hair brushes softly on her cheeks before she tugs a strain of hair behind her ear with a gentle gesture. Just watching her every move was hypnotizing to me.
What would it be like to tug her hair behind her ear and trail a path of butterfly kisses from her ear lob to her collarbone and further down, and in the process slowly undress her until she would be naked in front of me. What would it be like to feel her hands on my flushed skin, what would it be like to mimic her gentle gestures and use them on her naked skin. Bringing her further then anyone ever id before, showing her what real love feels like. Show her what I am like when you allow me to take over. Kissing her tenderly, kissing her rough what would that be like? What does she like? Would she be like me and like it both ways or would she be the tender one? I realized how less I know about her and how much I love her.
A hard chuckle and a blow to my shoulder made me aware of the situation that I was in. I faced Catherine across from me at the other side of the conference table in the conference room at work surrounded by all my colleagues. Who where all watching me, Greg and Nick where both chuckling. Catherine gazed at me as if she was waiting for an explanation, that look might work with Lindsey but she wouldn’t get a single detail out of me. My skin flushed and I was sure that it turned a dark shade of red. I mumble an excuse before I flee from the conference room away from my colleagues and friends.
Title: Shades of gray
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Shades of gray
In my world there was room for black and white, right and wrong, good and evil. It had always been like that and as far as I was concerned I thought that it would always be like that. In my work I wanted to catch the bad guys and help the victims. I hate men who abuse their woman and woman who abuse their children. It was all as simple as that, until she came along.
But when I stepped into that barely lit room something changed and you made me see the greys in the world. That first moment when I saw you and asked you where ‘Catherine Willows’ was and you told me that she was out in the field. For a moment I was contemplating my options and I decided to break the ice and make a comment back. And it kind of worked, you loosened up a little bit.
But we never really became friends, until that day when I needed comfort. And you where there smiling at me reassuring me that you where there for me. Somehow things changed from that moment on. My world turned around 180 degrees and I could see all the shades of grey when I was with you. You taught me what life was really about, why can’t it be like that again.
Why can’t you take away the pain deep down inside my heart. Tell me that things will be like before. Hold me in your arms, calling me sweet names and tell me that everything is all right, why did you leave me in this grey and cold world, without you …
Title: Who watches the watchers
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Who watches the watchers
Sara jumped up at the moment that she realized that everyone was watching her. She jumped up her face flushed and ran away. Mumbling some lame excuse.
Everybody was watching each other not really sure what to do. Catherine made an attempt to stand up and follow Sara. But according to what I’ve seen, it seems better when I keep the two of them apart, just for a while.
“Grissom, just go on with this meeting, I’ll go and see how Sara is. I know my job. DNA comes in I try to find a match via Codis and I’m done.” I stepped into the corridor, slowly walking towards the locker rooms. He could hear the sobs through the door and he knew that Sara was crying. And he had a faint idea why, she had never been interested in him, nor in any of the guys. And Grissom well he was a different story.
“Sara,are you okay?” I asked when I opened the door. She quickly whipped away her tears pretending and probably hoping that I would believe her when she told me that she was fine.
I knew that she wasn´t I had watched her when she felt safe enough to watch Catherine. I had seen her when she tried to get closer to Catherine. But I had also seen something else, Sara wasn´t the only one. Sometimes you could hide out in one lab and look across all the other labs without anyone seeing you. But they hadn´t seen me, neither one of them.
“Sara, I know what has been going on in these labs, don´t forget that I spend all my hours here. I´ve seen you, watching Catherine …”
“Please don´t say anything.” Sara pleaded as her eyes watered once again. “Please don´t …”
“Sara listen to me, I´ve seen you watch her but I´ve also seen her watch you in one of the dark labs in the back. She was spying on you with the same look in her eyes.” I wrapped my hands around Sara´s trembling body. “Give it a try, ask her out, just start with a breakfast or something.”
“You aren´t kidding with me, right?” she asked all insecure.
“Sara, I would never lie about something like this, and besides that I rather loose you to Catherine then to Nick. At least now I know that I never really had a chance.”
Title: Loud as a whisper
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Loud as a whisper
“Cath?” Her whisper sounded through the dark room, only lit by the moon. She gazed at me through the darkness. But I didn´t move, I didn´t say a word. I was curious at what her next step would be.
“Cath, I know your awake …” She tried again. When I didn´t answer her plead she smiled, and I knew that I wouldn´t be able to stay still for long when she moved the sheets back revealing my naked body.
She moved closer and planted small butterfly kisses on my stomach around my belly button, before I knew it my body was arching below her and she smiled while she watched my face. ” See I knew it …” She whispered before she bend down to complete her task.
Title: Lonely among us
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Lonely among us
She had walked down these corridors so many times, passed the labs day after day. An people noticed her, they noticed her beauty, but also her stir looks that made her hard to get. The only one who ever put any effort in getting to know her was Greg. But he did that to every woman, hell he even tried to fix a date with me.
Even thought there are enough people who are interested. We all know that Grissom loves her but he doesn´t know what to do with these human feelings. Well Greg he adores every woman, Nick, our Nicky rather goes for ´model-like´, blond not to smart. And Warrick let´s just say that I´ve seen the dreamy looks on his face. But still, she never gives in and opens up.
But well I never gave it a shot, but I will try. And maybe, just maybe … who knows maybe I´ll be able to make her see that she isn´t lonely among us.
Title: Half of life
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Half of life
I break down in tears. “Why, why do you think your better off without me. Have I not tried everything, did I do something wrong?”
I fall down on my knees not able to support my own weight, sand blows up and swirls around me. As tears stream down my cheeks. I my hand I clench the letter that she wrote.
Without you it´s just half of life.” I cry out to the emptiness of the desert that surrounds me. The same emptiness that holds my heart.
I look down at my hands the view shattered by the tears in my eyes. I´m at the edge of a rock formation, I´ve been here many times to sort out my problems. I can´t remember the last time that I was here. But I´m not sure if there will be a next time.
“Without you it´s half of life.” I mumble on last time.
A tear drops on my hand, as I bend my head. Then suddenly arms are wrapped around me I have no idea where they came from, nor how long I´ve been here. Until I suddenly hear her voices whispering in my ear that she´s sorry for what she did to me.
” Sara I´m sorry. I made a terrible mistake, can you please forgive me?” She asks in tears.
Title: A kiss on New Years eve
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
A kiss on New Years eve
We had just counted down to the new year, when Catherine moved closer to me and kissed me, within a matter of seconds it seemed as if the world stopped turning and we where the only people on the planet living. I loved her more then I ever had loved anyone in my life. She was the one that made me feel whole. And I knew that I did the same to her, we had been hiding this relationship for a couple of months. And we decided that it was time that they finally found out, for a couple of investigators they had been pretty clueless.
Her soft lips touched mine, right after we said ‘Happy New Year’ to each other. The kiss quickly deepened until we where fighting for control. I ran my tongue along her lips begging for entrance. She opened her mouth for me and once again I explored her, like I did so many times during these past months. Minutes later we broke apart to regain our breath.
“Catherine, I love you.” I said to her while I looked deeply into her blue eyes. She smiled back and told me how much she loved me and that was the moment that I became aware of our surroundings again. People where watching us, Greg’s jaw dropped to the ground. While Warrick told Nick to pay up. Grissom jus smiled while he continued talking to Doc Robbins and Captain Jim Brass.
Title: Never leave me
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Never leave me
Leaning back in her embrace I feel safe. Safe and secure from everything that I had ever feared. Please tell me that you’ll never leave me.
“Promise me one thing?” She asked while she gazed at me with her dark brown eyes.
The thoughts are frightening, when I think about it.
“Never leave me.” She said while she was still watching me. “Promise me that you’ll never leave me?”
“Babe, it’s impossible to promise something like that.” She answered, “But I can promise you that I will love you with all my heart for as long as I may live.”
Title: The harsh light of day
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
The harsh light of day
“Oh God, Catherine, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.” She whispered still trying to regain her breath. Catherine’s smiling face was hovering over her.
“Told you I could do it , didn’t I?” She said with an innocent smile while she attacked the other woman’s neck, with small kisses. While she pinned her arms down next to the flushed body. Catherine bend down and attacked the oversensitive nipple of the woman underneath her.
The alarm clock on the bedside table beeped and Sara woke up from another dream greeted by the harsh light that shone on her face.
Title: Becoming
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Becoming
Enemies, colleagues, friends, lovers. All these years I’ve wished and hoped that we would come this far, and even I can’t believe it.
I kiss her fiercely trying to mesmerize every second that we spent together. Remember how her body reacts to my gentle touches on her bare skin. I attack her body with gentle kisses, as I move my hand closer to her centre. Teasing her when I tough her clit for just a second before pulling back. She screams when I finally give her the release that she was begging for.
I still can’t believe it.
Apparently hope survives.
Title: Innocence
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: R
Innocence
Sara opened the door to the locker room, she entered the dark room. Closely followed by no other then her colleague, Catherine.
“Hey Sara, ready for a new shift?” Her tone of voice sounded a little nervous, which was something new for Catherine. Sara turned around and faced Catherine while she wondered what was going on.
“Yes, I’m ready.” I answered as Catherine moved closer to me. Within seconds her face was only three inches away from mine. She waited for a couple of seconds, and watched my reaction. I didn’t react, I didn’t know what to do I had never in my life been this close to her. Seconds later I could feel her body against mine, the heat from her body warmth mine.
Catherine’s lips touched mine. She kissed me and was stunned. I had dreamed about this moment for so long that I could hardly believe that this really happened. I kissed her back, while placing my hands on her hips pulling her even closer to me. She pushed me backwards against the lockers behind me. I was so captivated by the kiss that I didn’t even think twice about the fact that we where at work and that we could be caught any minute.
The kiss maybe lasted for a minute but to me it felt like a lifetime. Catherine pulled back, her lips swollen from the kiss, her skin flushed. But to me she looked like an angel.
“Cath, why?” I asked her still holding her hands in mine.
“I saw you.”
“You saw me?”
“Yeah, at the bar last night. I saw you and I walked up to you when I saw that you where talking to the bartender. You said that you didn’t want a date because you love one of your colleagues.”
“Okay so you saw me, but how did you know that it was you who I meant.”
“Sara, for God’s sake you where at a gay bar talking to a bartender who was obviously hitting on you.”
“Oh … yeah right.” I answered still a little confused.
“So, I guess that you won’t mind if we repeat that kiss again.” Catherine asked with a chuckle before she captured my lips again.
Title: Victim of a foolish heart
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Victim of a foolish heart
She looks at me anger evident in her eyes. Her hands clutched near her sides. Those sides that I rested my hands on so often in these past couple of weeks, while leaning in to steal some kisses. Since that day when I finally asked her out. It started as a regular night out, right up until that moment where she pulled me into that ladies bar. I was stunned and didn’t know how to react. I remember how she moved closer to me, so close that I could feel her hot breath on my flushed skin. While she whispered into my ear; “I know you feel it too.”
She was right I felt it too, I couldn’t remember one single moment when I didn’t feel it. The butterflies when I heard her laugh or when she accidentally touched me. The sadness I felt the moment I sealed of that box, with all of the files and evidence from Eddie’s case. I screwed up Eddie’s case, the case of a lifetime, the case that could mean closure for Catherine and Lindsey and I managed to screw it up. The pain that shot through me when she was mad for one reason or another one.
But this was even worse, I felt like something was tearing me apart from the inside. I wasn’t able to breath. I had screwed up and I know it. The moment the words left my mouth I knew that I was in trouble. I could see it in her eyes, I had seen that look once before and at that moment I had been glad that her dead glare wasn’t directed to me. The moment she stormed into that interrogation room, she was blinded by anger.
And now that same anger was directed at me. I knew that there was no way to avoid this, my smart ass remark hit too close to home. How could I be so damn stupid, I should have known that Catherine would take this as a personal insult.
“Catherine, that’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
Was this it, would this be the last moment that we spend together before going back to be enemies again. Before she would bitch at me with every step that I took. Make a remark every time she sees me, being her colleague that would mean that I would have to go through the same routine every single day. I rather die then go back there.
***
“Catherine, that’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Sure it was, what else could you have meant by that remark.” Her voice is trembling.
“Catherine, this has nothing to do with you.”
“Sara, you made perfectly clear that women like me shouldn’t be able to have children. Because we don’t know what we are doing to our children”
“That is not what I said, I said women like her” I raise my voice more then I wanted, pointing at the pictures covering the table in the lab. I notice some people who walk by looking at us through the glass.
“Women like her, women who dance and take of there clothes for money, women who are addicted to coke? Wasn’t I one of them …” Catherine screams at me, slamming her fist on the table. “That could have been me!”
“Yes Catherine, it could have been but there is one huge difference between you and that woman and that is that you made it out of there in time. She was still dancing, she was still addicted to all kind of substances and besides that she was turning tricks. Something you never did, she was probably killed by a ‘client’. You got out of there and went back to school, you became a CSI and besides that you where working here for a couple of years before you had Lindsey. You weren’t doped up while your child needed you to be there for her. That was what I meant.”
“That and nothing else, the thing that I can’t understand is how someone can call themselves a mom while doing all those things. I wasn’t attacking you, honey.”
“Why would I say something like that to hurt you. I love you.” I move closer to Catherine, thank god she doesn’t shy away from me. I pull her closer to me and hug her.
Title: Take out the trash day
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Take out the trash day
I put the last box down with a sigh, and looked around my empty apartment. My hand was leaning on the doorknob for the last time before I shut the door. I pushed the box outside the door with my foot and locked the door. I handed my keys to my landlord and picked up the box.
I placed the box in the back of the car and hopped into the passenger side. I smiled at Catherine. And leaned down to kiss her, this was it. My old life was standing outside by the trash in front of my apartment building, while my new life was starting the moment we arrived at Catherine’s house. Or maybe I should say our house.
Title: A beautiful day
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
A beautiful day
I lived day by day, hour by hour. I told people that I never looked back, but this was something that I couldn’t forget. At this moment nothing in my life was sure. She left me barely two weeks ago, the last thing I saw was her back as she ran through the door and slammed it behind her. I hadn’t seen or talked to her since it happened. Since we had that stupid fight, a fight that could have been avoided if I had just listened to her and hadn’t forced her. It was the most stupid thing I could have said to her, considering her past and her insecurities.
I knew that I never should have said the things that I said to her. I knew how much hurt her past lovers had caused her and how insecure that made her. She was afraid that she would do something wrong, handle things the wrong way. While in the end I was the one who made the stupid mistakes.
I told her a thousand times that she’s beautiful, that I love every single feature of her. Especially that gorgeous gap toothed smile and her hands that know how to work their way on my body. I smile at the thought but then I realise that I will never see or feel that again. But that night those thoughts never crossed my mind, not once.
Everything was okay when Sara came over to my house, she came home and opened the front door. Throwing her keys on the cabinet in the hallway and her duffle bag under the hallstand before she hung up her coat. She opened the door and hugged Lindsey on her way in before she came over to me and kissed me. “Hey babe!” she said with a cheerful voice. Ever since we hooked up she seemed a happier person, and knowing myself I knew that I was the same. And that was why it was getting harder and harder with every passing day to keep a straight face at work and especially to keep my hands to myself. We shared a quick kiss in the locker rooms or in the bath room and sometimes she would barge into my office before she headed out to a scene.
I handed her the mug of coffee and she leaned against the counter while she took a sip. I gazed at her intensely, she flashed me one of those beautiful smiles. She leans forward and kisses me quickly. “I missed you today?” She said quietly, she was still working on the part where she showed her affection for me. It was one of those things that she never really could have used in her past relationships. Because they betrayed her in one way or another, she is vulnerable when it comes to these kind of things. And U did just that, I wanted to go faster then what she was ready for. I can’t say why, we where happy and everything was going well. All I wanted was openness with our colleagues and friends. Because I trust them, but Sara wasn’t ready and I pushed her.
And now all I can think off is how stupid I was, I so easily could have prevented this when I had just listened to her and watched her and I should have noticed her discomfort. But I didn’t, I should have been more considerate. Two weeks ago we had a fight and she left.
I look outside the window from my office. The rain is gushing down on the streets below, but the weather is a perfect imitation of my mood. I have been hiding out in my office since Grissom handed out assignments. I told him that I would work on my paperwork and came in here but ever since that moment I have been standing here staring outside the window to the rain falling down on the parking lot.
I leaned my head against the cold glass, and thought about all those precious moments in our relationship that we spend together. Of all my former relationships Sara had been the sweetest and kindest and most caring lover that I ever had. Sara had known that most of my relationships ended because my former lovers just wanted me and didn’t give a damn about my daughter. Sara was afraid and insecure about that but she was great. Lindsey and Sara got along fine and when I looked at them when Sara helped Lindsey with her homework or when they played a prank on me, I could see that Sara was a better parent then Eddie ever could have been.
One day Sara offered to baby-sit Lindsey because she had a day off. I was doubtful whether she was ready to do that. If she just offered that to help me out or because she really wanted it. Lindsey begged me to let her stay with Lindsey.
I thought about those moment when Lindsey and Sara giggled like two ten year olds when watching a movie. Or when Sara snuggled into my arms and seeked comfort. Sara the one who said that she wasn’t good with children was the only person who made an effort to talk to Lindsey and really get to know her. We would have our dates where we would just be by the two of us. But on occasion she would organise something for the three of us and because of a stupid argument I let her leave.
“How could I be so God damn stupid.” I cursed silently against the glass.
I heard a thud on the floor behind me when all of the sudden I heard a too familiar voice whisper silently; “I’ve been asking myself the exact same question.” I must be hallucinating, this can’t be true. Grissom gave Sara two weeks before he would hand her resignation in to the sheriff, and those two weeks ended yesterday. Why would she be coming back, why today? I am unable to move, unable to even breathe afraid that this is just a dream that I’ve somehow fallen asleep.
I still can’t believe it when I feel her arms wrap around my body from behind, she spins me around and I look straight into those beautiful brown eyes. I’m at a lost for words, and I melt while I look into her eyes. I try to speak; “What… ?” but Sara’s lips on mine smothered my words with a smouldering kiss. She pulls me closer and I know deepens her kiss, I speak up when she finally releases me. “What are you doing here … today?”
“Not the welcome I expected but it’ll do.” She smiled; “Let me explain …” she took my hand and lead me to the couch in my office. She sat down and pulled me close to her, and kisses me again. “Sara, the door is open!” I mumble against her lips.
“Don’t worry about it, let me tell you.” She sighs and thinks for a minute before she continues. “I was mad after our fight and I left, I went to see my parents. I needed some time away. I posted my resignation when I got off the plane convinced that it was over and I didn’t want to work here if I couldn’t be with you. Grissom called and asked me to come back. I said that I wouldn’t and he told me that he would give me two weeks to make a decision.”
“Why did you wait so long to come back, Grissom told us yesterday that you didn’t call him and that he had to find a new CSI.”
“Did you see the news last night?” I nod no to her.
“No, I was … too tired. I haven’t been sleeping much lately.”
“Well then you probably haven’t seen the weather forecast, I spend yesterday and a part of today at the airport, all flights where canceled. I could have gone back to my parents but I anted to be on the next flight home.”
“Why didn’t you call Grissom, what if you can’t get your job back?”
“I didn’t want Grissom tell you that I would come back, and I wanted you to hear from me personally why I’m coming back. And besides that have you seen the stack of files on Grissom’s desk, I seriously doubt whether that letter was even opened by him, he’s seen it before. Believe me that letter hasn’t left his office.” Sara smiled memorizing the stacks of papers and files.
“So your back? For good?” I asked her.
“Yes, if you still want me too?”
“How can you doubt that, of course.” I smile at her and snuggle into her arms. “Although we still have to talk about this.”
“Nah we don’t, I’ve had to much time to think at the airport and I realise that you where kind of right about some things. I love you more then I ever thought possible, and I know that you love me. I’ve felt more alive these past couple of months then I have felt in all those other years. I love you too much to ruin this. And besides that we should be able to tell our friends about us. So that we don’t have to worry about open doors anymore.”
I lay my head down on Sara’s chest and hold her in my arms. “So it’s a beautiful day after all.”
Sara kisses the top of my head; “Yes it is…”
Title: The power of two
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
The power of two
I look at the woman, sitting at the bar. Sipping from her drink while she looks around waiting for her date. A rose lies on the bar in front of her. She looks at her watch and searches the bar again. I step back into the dark corner, wondering what I am supposed to do.
I met her on the internet, we talked for weeks, finding out that we had a lot in common´ more then I could ever imagine. She meant so much more to me that I could ever show her over the internet. Why did she catch my attention? I don´t know I´m not sure. But here I am standing in the shadows of the bar looking at her contemplating what to do. Shall I just leave and never talk to her again or shall I approach her and see where we will go from here. I look down at the rose in my hands, a sign so that we would recognise each other. It now seems all so unimportant, how could I not have known that it was her that I was talking too. I mean she told me that her name was Kat, she told me that she works for the government and that she has a daughter who´s father isn´t in the picture anymore. I should have been able to add one plus one and come up with the answer, apparently I wasn´t … All she knew about me was that my name is Ann, well my second name is anyways. The name that I use on the internet, and besides that she talked to the real Sara Sidle not the workaholic Sara but the one that
wants to have a relationship the one that craves for someone who cares about her. The one that rarely shows her head when she´s on a job.
I had been contemplating for weeks before I send her that email, telling her that I liked her a lot and that I wanted to meet her. She reacted positively on my mail and she wanted to meet me too. We
decided to meet in a bar, so that we could go home if we didn’t get along as well as we thought we did.
I sigh and look at the rose one more time, I know that this can turn out to be a disaster or a match made in heaven. Maybe this was our change we got to know each other on different levels then we did when working together, maybe this was just what we needed. I absently move my hand up to my curly hair and move a strand of hair behind my ear. I step forward and see that she takes another sip of her drink before she looks at her watch again. She looks so beautiful in her black slacks, and her red tank top.
I sit down at the bar next to her on the spot that she has been saving for her date. She turns around and wants to say something to the person who sat down when she sees who it is. Her mouth is opened when she stops mid sentence, and looks at me. “Sara?” She asks, barely able to speak out the words when her eyes fall on the rose in my hand.
“You’re Ann?” Catherine asks with a disbelieving look on her face.
“Yes, I am, I used my middle name on the internet.”
“But how, did you know you where talking to me?” Catherine still looks at me with that weird look in her eyes as if she isn´t sure about my honesty.
I nod my head silently, “No, I didn´t know it was you, I just found out when I walked into this bar. I swear I didn´t know!” I sigh. “I´m sorry Catherine, maybe I better go home and leave you here.” I get up and turn around hoping that she didn´t see the tears in my eyes. I walk away as fast as I can, leaving her behind at the bar. The door closes behind me and I take in a long cold breath, the wind cools my flushed skin. I wipe my tears and start walking down the road. I am just a few feet away when she catches up with me.
“Sara please stay!” She steps in front of me blocking my way. “Don´t run away from me”
“If I only had the slightest idea that it was you, I would have asked you out sooner.” Catherine sighed. “I gues that all we needed was to meet in a different way. In which we could really show who we are with out the stress of work.”
This was all I wanted ever since I came to this town, a honest conversation with the woman that I love. And now I was standing here and she was telling me that she wanted this too but I wasn’t able to
say a word I felt as if my voice would break if I spoke. I tried to control my voice with all my might but it didn’t work. “I guess so …” I spoke with a trembling soft voice.
“Sweetie, come here …” Catherine pulled me into a hug. “Let’s go to my place, it’s just around the corner.” I wasn’t sure what my answer should be. Catherine noticed my internal conflict and made the choice for me.
“Let’s go, Lindsey isn’t home and we are just going to my place to have a drink and a talk and we’ll see what happens next.
Title: Lacuna
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Lacuna
The candles on the cabinet and the bed stands give the room a light yellow shine as I slowly pull her with me, we land softly on the bed, I kiss her intensely while my hands roam over her naked body. Her strawberry blonde hair falls onto my shoulder as she bends down and kisses curve of my neck. I could feel Catherine’s hot breath on my flushed skin, as I wrapped my arms around her. I pull her closer, it seems as if our bodies melt together in a struggle for power and control. A rapid heartbeat beats in my chest, laboured breaths struggle for air.
I love her with every inch of my being, I love her more then I have ever loved anyone, I look up into those beautiful blue eyes that are now filled with desire. Desire for me …
But when I wake up entangled in the sheets that once covered my body, my skin feels warm but the cavity in my chest is still there. The pain and the coldness come back as my overheated body cools down. Tears sting in my eyes, I quickly erase them with my fingers.
It’s nothing more then my dreams and wishful thinking …
Title: How to silence construction workers?
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
How to silence construction workers?
It was a hot day, a day when you wear your favourite tank top to work. I arrived at the CSI labs ten minutes before the start of the shift. I got out of my air-conditioned cooled car into the burning sun. When Catherine parked her car next to mine, I waited for her to get out of the car and greeted her. Together we walked into the building, talking about our weekend.
Grissom immediately send us away with an assignment slip, a suspicious circs at one of the construction sites down the Strip where they where building a new casino annex hotel, like there aren’t enough of those already. I opened my door and was greeted by the searing sun, and the sound of some construction workers whistling when Catherine and I got out of the car. Both dressed in form fitting slacks and tank tops.
I opened the back of the car and grabbed my kit while I waited for Catherine to grab hers. She sighed when she heard the construction workers call out some indiscrete offers to us and put her sun glasses on. “These guys really have no respect!”
“I know, but I also know a way to shut them up for a few seconds.” Catherine’s face was covered with a smug smile. “But you have to play along.” Catherine closed the back and set her kit one the floor while she moved closer towards me, her graceful movements around me.
“Okay, but what do I have to do.” I asked Catherine as I stepped backwards until I it the back of the SUV. Catherine still advanced towards me ask she placed her hand on my shoulder. She was standing in front of me just mere inches away and looked deeply into my eyes.
“Just play along.” She whispered softly and pushed her lips on mine kissing me passionately, the first few seconds I was dazed and confused but then I realised that she was right the shouting from the construction workers had silenced or was it just the blood that was rushing through my veins that prevented me from hearing. I closed my eyes as I leaned into Catherine and kissed her back. How was I ever going to recover from this kiss and walk over to my crime scene to face Brass and work like nothing had happened I wonder as I wrapped my arms around Catherine.
Title: Secrets and lies
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Secrets and lies
He could hear the sounds of someone in distress in behind the closed door to the locker room. At least that was what it sounded like to him. So he rushed in ready to nail the bastard that was attacking one of his female colleagues. And man! Was he surprised when he swung that door open and stepped right into a scene that he could’ve never imagined. Not in this lifetime anyway!
He was stunned and couldn’t believe what he saw with his own eyes, he seriously thought that his mind was playing tricks on him something that could easily happen when you have worked a double shift. The women in front of him hadn’t even noticed that the door opened, they where so involved with each other that they didn’t even here the door slam against the wall as he threw it open. Ready to help whoever was in trouble.
Catherine is leaning against the lockers behind her which probably explains the sounds that I heard earlier, before he opened that door. The door that he wished he had never opened in the first place. Sara was holding Catherine close with one arm wrapped around Catherine’s frail body. Catherine passionately kissed Sara, her hands entangled in Sara’s dark hair. A moan escaped from Catherine’s mouth, while Sara’s hands on her turn where touching Catherine’s skin under her dark red tank top.
He was shocked, not shocked because they where women. Not even shocked because they where his colleagues but shocked because he never once saw a sign. All they ever did was fight, Sara even got suspended, almost fired because of the things she said to Catherine while working on a case. And here he caught them making out like two teenagers in the locker room.
He stepped back and quickly closed the door behind him hoping that they wouldn’t notice this either. He knew that they would come forward with their news when they where ready. Still the image of these two beautiful women caught in a compromising position floated through this mind. He shook his head from left to right to make the images disappear before he walked down the hallways to meet with Nick; “Man! This would make one hell of a bet!” The guys would never believe him if he set this bet, of course he would never make a bet like that. It wasn’t his task to make this secret public he would lie about it if necessary.
Title: Hindsight
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Rating:PG
Hindsight
I loved her, at least I think that I did. I don’t know why but from that first moment that I saw her I knew that she was special, different then all the other women I knew. And I also knew that she was different, she was older and more mature. But that didn’t matter to me, I still wanted her.
She never gave me a chance to even show her how different I can be when I am in a relationship. I am a sucker for love, I love candle lit dinners and taking my women out to special and romantic places. But I never got that chance.
And now I see her standing in the parking lot her arms wrapped around the one person that I always thought was her biggest enemy. Apparently I was wrong, apparently I had been wrong all along. And we weren’t meant to be, I sigh as I start the engine. I cover my eyes with my dark sunglasses, hoping that she will never notice the tears that are threatening to spill over. As I drive past them I hunk the horn and wave at them in a exaggerated gesture, like I normally do only this time my heart is breaking.
