Title: Because of you
Author: nepeace
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine Willows and Sara Sidle
Rating: PG
Because of you
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing
Your harsh words cut through my heart; like a knife. Cutting away small pieces each time I hear them. You make me feel like I am lesser person; like you are worth more then I am. From the moment I set foot in these labs you have been on a war path. Each time you find something different, something new to bitch about.
At first it was because I came over from San Francisco to investigate your best friend Warrick. Next it was Lindsey’s birthday; or better said whether I could buy her a present or not. Then there where differences on cases, techniques to solve a crime, or whether I could use pink finger printing powder or not; and sometimes there wasn’t even a reason. You just blew up in anger and somehow that anger was always pointed towards me.
And when I thought it couldn’t get any worse; Eddie died and Grissom put me on the case probably because he thought that it would be easiest on me because you and I always fought. I still don’t get why he did that; he knew what would happen if things wouldn’t go your way. To this day I regret that I had to close the case; but I had no choice. A piece of me died that day when I wrote Eddie’s name on that box. I knew that you would never forgive me for closing the case; without any results. I got the suspects on minor offences; child endangerment and possession but that wasn’t nearly good enough. Not even close; they should have gotten
Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
I want to stay away from you; I try my best not to stand in your way. But sometimes I have no choice; especially when it involves cases that I am working on or believes that I stand for. Staying away from someone like you isn’t easy; it’s almost impossible. Besides that if our struggles aren’t about cases or work related; it will be about me.
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
But no matter how harsh your words are, you are the one I dream about. You are the one that is haunting me every night. It’s getting harder and harder to avoid you; you’re always there. No matter if I am at work or not; if I don’t see you in person you are in my thoughts or my dreams. Whether I want it or not! I take another swig from the bottle; and look outside the window where the sun is rising already. And all I can think of is that I will see you soon. At work; and for now that is better then nothing.
Because of you I’m ashamed of my life, because its empty
Because of you, I am afraid
